Mating with Marijuana

 

Hash, Cannabis, Pot, charas, Ganja, Bhaang, Dope, Grass or Marijuana; I have flirted with the idea of having them all through my life. At 35, I had had given a ‘shot’ to all sins except this one (tried bhaang in college holi, but very mild and almost non-existent when compared to beer that followed)…

I thought I had run out of my primetime – 35 is the age when sane people aren’t flirting with the thought of consuming mind-altering drug (unless of course, they have a fucked-up existence!)

So when I (buoyed by my wife) ended up at this hole in the wall “govt authorised” shop, I didn’t think twice before parting away with my money and getting hold of “the bounty”. Two thousand rupees lighter, my wallet didn’t complain as I walked out with 5 strong-drug laced cookies and a small jar of marijuana.

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Having tried almost all sins – figuratively and otherwise as stated above; this was more of a “final frontier” for me more than really looking for a nirvana state.

“Give half to the ladies” – is all the shop-owner told me. He didn’t warn anything else. I didn’t expect anything else beyond the tipsy, drunkard state one experiences after alcohol. After all, that’s how it went in college holi…

Me and a friend had half-a-cookie each in afternoon. We were jittery so that half was consumed slowly and after a lot of gap between each bite. After-effect: Nothing, nothing scandalous at all! I felt a certain slowness, a slow blur with which things moved. He felt it too. But overall it was well within the limits and we dismissed the marijuana-laced-cookies as mild, impotent and even fake.

That evening as we were consumed in the local fair, he egged me on to try more. Feeling underwhelmed with our afternoon affairs, I confidently had another cookie and so did he. This time though, my wife (yeah the one who took us to that shop!) had half a cookie too. But again, like afternoon, nothing happened and we quietly went about our business and retired to our respective rooms.

At around 9:30pm (a couple of hours since having them in evening), the real mayhem started. Initially I found myself overthinking and asking her to take things normally as I was not finding things under control. And then I realised that she was having a worse time herself. We somehow tried to make our son sleep, as I stepped out of the room and waited.

The mind, the devil (or the angel) that it can be; plays the strangest of games. Your thoughts start melting into each other like a free-flow of fluids in an empty container. One second you are thinking about your son sleeping in the room while your English class in class IVth becomes the next thought. A few seconds later, an amalgamation of thoughts flood the mind. Thats what bhaang/ marijuana can do to you.

But the night didn’t end, yet. The wife, trippy herself, couldn’t take it at all. She asked for the doctor in middle of desert and when one couldn’t be arranged, forced me to take her to one along with hotel’s manager. A couple of tragic and scared hours later (now “funny” is how I’d describe them though), we were back to the hotel room with our son sleeping with friend’s wife.

We lay down on the bed, both extremely hallucinating; and I tried to tell my wife to stay positive and try getting some sleep when ironically, I had no fucking clue how to do it myself.

And thats when it started…

Lord Krishna from 1980s series, Mahabharata, dressed in his golden attire and peacock’s feather in his crown, made his appearance (mind you, I am still in the highest state of trance) –

Lord Krishna: Do you know why you are hallucinating?

Mohit: No, god. Is it the end? Is that how life ends? Are you here to take me? Given my (mis) deeds, is that hell?

Lord Krishna (smiling): No. But I created this havoc, this playground in your mind to drive the point home. Normally, people form a bond of trust with me, and follow me unquestionably. You, however turned out to be an atheist of the highest order – so I had to infuse illusions in your mind and lead you here for our meeting. 

Mohit: I’m sorry but I don’t understand. You mean, you made me have marijuana?

Lord Krishna: You refused to agree to my existence till you saw me. What choice did I have? 

Mohit is silent. 

Lord Krishna: You were mine from the moment I created you, put you in your mother’s womb. How could you not agree that I can do whatever with your life, wherever and whenever I want?

There are two types of people – 1 who follow me and 2 who are my servants.

Those who follow me, I show them the light and they reach their destination. Those who don’t follow this simple thing; I intervene and remind them that they ultimately belong to me and have to follow my orders like a servant.

You my dear, are of the second kind. And thats why this whole episode of today’s over-consumption and subsequent hallucinations is conceived. I had to have my tete-a-tete with you!

Mohit (folding hands): O dear god. I am convinced. I have been a foolish to deny your presence. Please also guide me why you created this trivial being in the first place?

Lord Krishna: As I said before, you are from the servant kind (and not the follower). So you have to be told everything. Fair enough. From now on, whenever you feel you do not know the right answer to something, you just have to close your eyes and think of this night, this conversation, this meeting. I will immediately appear and instruct you correctly…

No change the world, save the nation, eradicate poverty and hunger, bring revolution through writing, create a powerhouse of wealth, or other such tasks that you deem important – were meant for you. 

I created you to do two simple things. Keep your wife and son happy. Thats it! But you fail to see the simplicity of it. You are consumed with “world domination” all the time.

I created your world thousands of years back and I created uncountable number of men and women. Didn’t I? You think I’d give every responsibility to 1 of my creations, and that too from the servant class? 

Mohit: god, that sounds too simple. and if I may add, not much of an achievement…

Lord Krishna: You and your arrogance! Okay, I assign you an ancillary task then. But mind you, it’s still not your main responsibility. Wherever you find any injustice being done around you, intervene and try to find the fair way out. It could be anywhere, in your society; among your friends and family, at your workplace etc. 

Mohit (with folded hands): I will follow both to the T. please tell me if I will ever find an end to this hallucination or not. Frankly it’s too much to bear really.

Lord Krishna (smiling): Thats exactly why I don’t usually make appearances. My form is infinite and it is very overwhelming for mortals to bear. Anyway I assure you that these hallucinations will end shortly. And I also assure you that a week or so later, you would have forgotten about this conversation.

But remember to think of me whenever in doubt or trouble. Just as my servant, it is your duty to follow my commands; as your master – it is my responsibility to attend to you whenever you seek me. And don’t bring your non-believer ego in between. This will remain “our” little secret.

…and yes, since you think of yourself as a writer, document this conversation. Maybe some “followers” or “servants” end up reading it and believing it and profiting from it.

 

I think this conversation would have lasted for an hour and a half; of course generously laden with a million random thoughts. But it must have surely ended at 1:32AM, because as I woke up and looked at the clock, my hallucinations were over.

 

I can’t say that marijuana is for everyone. I can’t even say if it worked for me. But in hindsight, I had a memorable time (minus the trip to the doctor) and most definitely answered my existential questions for life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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